Children, What Matters Most

Then there are the people who at least address me instead of my son with things like, “It must be so hard to be a blind parent.” Well, at times it’s hard, like when a woman on the bus gave her gloves and scarf to my son because he wasn’t wearing any. Of course he wasn’t wearing them! We were on a heated bus and they were in my coat pocket, so they wouldn’t be lost again!

Over the past years I have tried to help well meaning individuals understand my competency as a parent. I have explained how I know to cross the street, pull a stroller safely, bake cookies, know when my child is getting into stuff he shouldn’t and the list goes on. What I have realized through the years and countless interactions with the public that what matters most to me is raising a well mannered, responsible and competent young man. I believe that is the goal of every parent, whether they are sighted or blind.

My first priority in dealing with well intentioned comments directed to my son is how those comments are going to affect his perception of me as his mother. I want the public to believe in my capabilities as a parent, but much more than that, I want my son to believe in me.

Just as I thought all the comments about my parenting might be slowing down as my son gets older, I am proved incorrect, again.

One morning a few months ago, an insurance salesman was sitting at my kitchen table explaining policies, rates, co-pay, deductibles etc. He is pointing something out on his laptop when I say very politely that I can't read anything on the screen, so it would be most helpful if he could just read the information to me. A little later he pushes papers toward me and starts pointing out various things, I again politely tell him that I am blind and I can't read anything he is showing me. The light bulb went on!

The conversation continues with how amazing I am, how Kiddo must help me a whole lot, how amazing I am and did I mention how amazing I am? I am trying to remain calm and polite, I really need the insurance. I know he is well meaning and is truly amazed that I can do anything. It doesn't matter one way or the other to me, he can think whatever he wants, but my son is also sitting at the table listening to all of this.

I'm hoping that Kiddo doesn't spout out anything too rude. He has just gotten out of bed and isn't real chipper in the morning. I did try to explain that I have been blind for many years now and it's no big deal. I've had lots of time to figure things out and adapt, but he isn't listening. All attempts to explain how utterly unamazing I am, are totally futile.

Eventually we get through all the paperwork, which he is amazed that I can sign. He is packing up his stuff to leave and he tells Kiddo, "Now you take good care of your Mom.” Kiddo must have given him a horrible look because then the guy says, "Well you DO help your Mom a lot don't you?"

Kiddo says "Ask her." Rather rudely. I am utterly horrified at my child’s inappropriate and flippant comment. I answer that he is working on trying to remember to pick up his toys and put dirty clothes in the basket. Mentally I am making a note of all the things I could ground him from for such a rude comment.

I talked a little longer with the salesman and then he tells Kiddo to take good care of me again and then it was my turn to be amazed. The salesman paused and then said "or maybe your Mom should take good care of you." I couldn’t’ believe it. I really didn't think there was any hope of this guy getting it, but maybe he did.

After the salesman left, I spoke to my son about what the salesman had said. My son said to me, “Mom, he just doesn’t know. That’s all.” It was no big deal to my son. He understood that I am his mother, with all the duties and responsibilities that accompany the job.

Perhaps I helped one insurance salesman to understand a little more about blindness that morning. I may never know the answer to that question. I do know, without a doubt, that the person that matters most in my life understands.

Now all I have to do is tackle the kiddo’s smart mouth and we’ll be all set!